I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
