Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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