Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
