The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
