he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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