I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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