I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
