do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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