I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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