She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
