god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can't motorboat a personality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize