Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
