your room smells of hookers.
And success
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
