I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
