Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
