I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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