8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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