Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
