So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
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Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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