All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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