Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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