Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
