This is not my ceiling
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is Oprah even human
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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