WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
