i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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