I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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