When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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