The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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