adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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