i don't like sucking hair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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