I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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