The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
