So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
