Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
