Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
