last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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