you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
