Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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