shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
