Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
