Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize