I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
