Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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