There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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