Already got asked if we're dating
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
