my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
