im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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