i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
