You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
