Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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