watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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