i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
