So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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