We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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