i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
