it hurts more in the daytime
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My pussy is not your playground.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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