One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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