it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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