Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
