i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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