So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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