His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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