I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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