I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
