if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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